This is where I live....New York City...one of the most insanely assiduous places I've ever see in my entire life. Every ONE person here has a direct intention: to survive and make money...and it appears that people will do whatever it takes to attain that end. This is a city where success is painted completely different from one person to the next...success is defined in the eyes of every passing stranger.
I remember when I first moved here, I didn't understand how so many people could live in one place, and yet seem so distant from one another. The strange thing is most people assume that everyone else is "busy"...when actually, I think we all assume everyone is "busy"...but the darkness that drives the daily-routine-between-work-and-home is "insecurity." It intertwines itself within the affairs of even the most successful business man who runs the potential-self-destructive-life of wall street. Insecurity mingles with the elite society model and promises that it will bring more comfort than the confidence he or she once knew before fame. Insecurity presents its ugly-lying-self on the subway when a young single mother wearing 10 year old shoes and clothing glances over at the seemingly-put-together-supermodel who displays designer clothing. Insecurity glares its spotlight upon the man who is too afraid to do anything about the horrible scene happening right in front of him...all the while, a homeless man is being beat up - simply because "he isn't good enough for the rest of us." Insecurity puts its best foot forward when the young waitress (who doesn't know how her bills will be paid) accidentally spills the tray of water all over a customer in a restaurant, and that customer (out of embarrassment) lashes out in anger at the waitress - just loud enough so the whole street can hear.
Insecurity is running ramped in this city...and what is even more ridiculous...that we allow it to roam free, and take over our every day.
About 3 months ago; I was walking to work, so completely overwhelmed by the fact that I could not find solace anywhere. I was frustrated because I felt like I was never going to survive and keep my sanity in a place like this. While I was walking down one of the busiest streets in Manhattan, I cried out to God. "Father, is there peace ANYWHERE in this city?!"
It wasn't even a few seconds later when COMPLETE SILENCE fell upon that street - Park Avenue... Interesting enough, there were still cars and people passing by...but there was silence. Stillness. Peace.
I heard a kind, gentle voice....one that I know well..."I am EVERYWHERE you want me to be...."
Then noise and chaos returned. Only, when it returned - I wasn't overwhelmed....but refreshed from one split-second-reminder of the fact that God, the God of peace - can be anywhere. We take Him with us.
The subways are filled with people who NEVER once glance at anyone on the subway. People get on and get off the subway without even knowing that someone has NOTICED them. How incredibly sad. It's sad to know that we can be so insecure that we don't even look at people in the eye.
As much as I love music in my ears at all times, I decided 3 months ago that I wouldn't listen to music on the train. I know that if I do, I will get lost in the music and not pay any attention to those around me - my own issue...but still a problem. :) Instead, I spend the whole subway ride (except for the days when I'm falling asleep, ha!) looking around at people - not in a psycho-stalker-kinda-way, but in a "just so you know, you matter" kinda way. I make it a point to look at least 5 people in the eye and smile.
Is it uncomfortable?? ABSOLUTELY! Mainly, because people always assume that you have a reason for doing so (like another motive, or that you're hitting on them). Oh well...let them think whatever they want.
I will always wonder what Jesus would do if he were living in NYC...I'll wonder that for years to come, I'm sure. I will continue to try and do my best to imagine and mirror what he would do. I know I'll make some mistakes along the way...
New York City has been named many things: The lonely city, the big apple, The city that never sleeps, and the insecure city...I read one today : "The City of Light" - I think we can all agree that this one is by far the best.
NYC=THE CITY OF LIGHT.
xx you are loved.
