One of the great mentors in my life says this: 'we are saved, yet being saved. We are healed, yet being healed...' And this is not just a quote...this is truth.
A little over 3 1/2 years ago, I was a girl who felt so unworthy - so completely messed up. I had grown up in church and with a great family. But life had happened. And I had made some dumb choices just months before that. I had moved to a new country, and a new life...but the brokenness and unworthiness still resided in me.
Whilst sitting in a lecture in college; a question was asked by the lecturer that left me and only a few others unable to raise our hands. And in a quick moment, I felt all alone and exposed of my 'brokenness'. I remember feeling so embarrassed. It wasn't fair that everyone knew my personal business when they didn't know me. Extreme as it may sound...I wanted to run out of that room. But I held in the tears and the shame. Even on the bus ride home, I didn't sit next to anyone. I was in one of those 'if I say a word I may lose it to crying historically' moments.
All of a sudden, a song came over the speakers in the bus. I had heard this song many times before...but this time was different. The lyrics go like this:
'A thousand times i've failed, still your mercy remains.
Should I stumble again
Still i'm caught in your grace..'
Music has a way of bringing healing and hope. This was my song for the next few months. And even now, when I hear this song, it takes me back to a time when I was broken but was being mended by a beautiful, grace-giving God who never saw me broken...he saw me whole.
This began my REAL relationship with Jesus, my Saviour. I quickly learned that growing up in a great church and with a great family does not mean that you have a relationship with God. I began to talk to Him. And as weird as it may seem to some of you...this brought more healing than anything I have ever experienced before. It became a day-by-day, step-by-step process of recovery. Everyday, I woke up knowing I needed a Saviour.
The way I am descibing how I felt may appear worse than it was. Most of what I went through was how I saw myself...however; how we view ourself can be the most damaging weapon.
Shane Claiborne tells a story in his book 'The Irresistable Revolution' of a conversation he had with a man he knew who always 'stirred up' things when talking about religion. This man says 'Jesus never hung out with prostitutes..' to which Shane quickly gave scripture reference to oppose this. The man quickly rebutled the scriptural argument with these words, 'Jesus never hung out with prostitutes because he didn't see them that way. He just saw people he was madly in love with.' WOW...this coming from a man who had not grown up in church. He had a better understanding of the grace and love of God than most of us who have.
Now I understand that we have not all done anything similar to prostituting and/or anything of the like; but we have ALL done things that require a Saviour's forgiveness and grace. And the beautiful, yet humbling thing is we can not earn it. We don't deserve it either. And I'll repeat myself...YOU CAN NOT EARN IT. Not by good deeds. Nothing we do can earn the love that Jesus ALREADY has for us.
I'm still trying to comprehend this. Years into serving and having a relationship with God...and I still can't comprehend this kind of love. But it is so very very real. And it is the most beautiful news that will ever exist. Ever.
Music has a real power to bring life, comfort, peace, joy, and sometimes freedom to people. At least for me - it has always been this way. Everytime I get ready to sing, play, or write, I hope and pray that it does that very thing for those who hear/read it. I guess when you have experienced grace and love, you want to give it freely.
I have a hard time making a judgement towards someone because I know that their 'temporary' rudeness, inability to be kind, etc. is simply because of their own pain. I remember where i've come from. I remember what Christ has saved me from and forgiven me of. I don't feel guilty or unworthy. I feel completely humbled. I know I am a broken person...yet I am healed. I am healed...yet I am being healed.
That is real hope. Right there...plain as day. A preacher once told a story recently about how he asked a group of young people if they could have one wish, one thing...what would it be. All answered with a desire for something of possession. All but one of the young boys. This one young boy replied with this: "I would ask for forgiveness."
No matter who you are...what age, race, religion...you know you need forgiveness. Which brings us to this undeniable conclusion...
That we are ALL in need of a Saviour.
And there is only ONE who saves....
JESUS.
You are so very loved,
nat
A little over 3 1/2 years ago, I was a girl who felt so unworthy - so completely messed up. I had grown up in church and with a great family. But life had happened. And I had made some dumb choices just months before that. I had moved to a new country, and a new life...but the brokenness and unworthiness still resided in me.
Whilst sitting in a lecture in college; a question was asked by the lecturer that left me and only a few others unable to raise our hands. And in a quick moment, I felt all alone and exposed of my 'brokenness'. I remember feeling so embarrassed. It wasn't fair that everyone knew my personal business when they didn't know me. Extreme as it may sound...I wanted to run out of that room. But I held in the tears and the shame. Even on the bus ride home, I didn't sit next to anyone. I was in one of those 'if I say a word I may lose it to crying historically' moments.
All of a sudden, a song came over the speakers in the bus. I had heard this song many times before...but this time was different. The lyrics go like this:
'A thousand times i've failed, still your mercy remains.
Should I stumble again
Still i'm caught in your grace..'
Music has a way of bringing healing and hope. This was my song for the next few months. And even now, when I hear this song, it takes me back to a time when I was broken but was being mended by a beautiful, grace-giving God who never saw me broken...he saw me whole.
This began my REAL relationship with Jesus, my Saviour. I quickly learned that growing up in a great church and with a great family does not mean that you have a relationship with God. I began to talk to Him. And as weird as it may seem to some of you...this brought more healing than anything I have ever experienced before. It became a day-by-day, step-by-step process of recovery. Everyday, I woke up knowing I needed a Saviour.
The way I am descibing how I felt may appear worse than it was. Most of what I went through was how I saw myself...however; how we view ourself can be the most damaging weapon.
Shane Claiborne tells a story in his book 'The Irresistable Revolution' of a conversation he had with a man he knew who always 'stirred up' things when talking about religion. This man says 'Jesus never hung out with prostitutes..' to which Shane quickly gave scripture reference to oppose this. The man quickly rebutled the scriptural argument with these words, 'Jesus never hung out with prostitutes because he didn't see them that way. He just saw people he was madly in love with.' WOW...this coming from a man who had not grown up in church. He had a better understanding of the grace and love of God than most of us who have.
Now I understand that we have not all done anything similar to prostituting and/or anything of the like; but we have ALL done things that require a Saviour's forgiveness and grace. And the beautiful, yet humbling thing is we can not earn it. We don't deserve it either. And I'll repeat myself...YOU CAN NOT EARN IT. Not by good deeds. Nothing we do can earn the love that Jesus ALREADY has for us.
I'm still trying to comprehend this. Years into serving and having a relationship with God...and I still can't comprehend this kind of love. But it is so very very real. And it is the most beautiful news that will ever exist. Ever.
Music has a real power to bring life, comfort, peace, joy, and sometimes freedom to people. At least for me - it has always been this way. Everytime I get ready to sing, play, or write, I hope and pray that it does that very thing for those who hear/read it. I guess when you have experienced grace and love, you want to give it freely.
I have a hard time making a judgement towards someone because I know that their 'temporary' rudeness, inability to be kind, etc. is simply because of their own pain. I remember where i've come from. I remember what Christ has saved me from and forgiven me of. I don't feel guilty or unworthy. I feel completely humbled. I know I am a broken person...yet I am healed. I am healed...yet I am being healed.
That is real hope. Right there...plain as day. A preacher once told a story recently about how he asked a group of young people if they could have one wish, one thing...what would it be. All answered with a desire for something of possession. All but one of the young boys. This one young boy replied with this: "I would ask for forgiveness."
No matter who you are...what age, race, religion...you know you need forgiveness. Which brings us to this undeniable conclusion...
That we are ALL in need of a Saviour.
And there is only ONE who saves....
JESUS.
You are so very loved,
nat
