A Burning Heart

Here I am typing this at 12:49am...with this feeling of 'butterflies' in my stomach. You know that feeling you get when you like someone and you see them...yeah...that one :)

Well these butterflies are the result of something totally different...kinda. Ha...

I never expected that being obedient and leaving Sydney would result in how I feel in the present. Of course, it's usually that way. You can never see that far into the future enough to know that everything is eventually going to be better than you thought; and even more, pretty darn amazing!

Right now, I'm working at a church in San Angelo, Texas. Not that big of a city, but big enough to blink and see a need and another hurting person attached to the need. Big enough to see a beggar holding a sign with a genuine need for a job. I got to admit, this place wasn't 'in the cards' in regards to my plan, but it's become quite perfect. I work for this amazing church who have already blessed me beyond what I could have imagined.

Here's the cool part!

I've got all these ideas, dreams, BIGGG ones that are brewing (like coffee) every night when I go to bed and and continue to roast when I wake up in the morning. They NEVER stop coming! I love every minute of 'sleeplessness' when it comes.

And you know what? When God calls you somewhere whether now or in the future, people are gonna say things about why they believe you are making the decisions you're making and whether your motives are right...and I think that is a question that can only be tested between you and God. Aside from that...it's all good. Don't let other people's opinions persuade you to sway away from the seed God planted...cause all kinds of opinions will flare up - but who cares!

(don't know where that all came from!?)

ANY WAY.

Aside from leading a team of amazing worshipers every week, I also get this phenomenal opportunity to be a teacher's aide for 5th graders at a school. I always thought I'd love to teach; not sure if I ever will but at least I get to have a small taste of what it'd be like. Our church runs a school that just became a Charter school which means that it is now funded completely by the State. (a really good thing by the way!). One of the requirements that the State gives us is that we have to run an 'after school' program for the kids who's parents aren't able to pick them up until later in the evening. During this time we are actually allowed to speak about Jesus.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I GET TO HANG OUT WITH KIDS AND TALK TO THEM ABOUT JESUS!?

My heart is ablaze! Mostly with ideas for the future...but I realize now that everything starts with now. Right now, what am I doing with my life? Maybe studying online for a degree in Psychology doesn't quite make sense right now because it's definitely not what I would have picked for my life...but at least I'm moving forward.

God can only work with something that is moving. And even if you're going in an awkward direction, He'll steer it back to where it needed to be in the first place.

No regrets I say...No regrets. That's how I want to feel when I am at the end of my life.

So go ahead and allow the heart to be ablaze...let the dreams bubble up from within you and make an appearance on the surface one day. Some will, some may not. A heart that is ablaze is infectious...you draw others to you. A heart on fire is so attractive....!!!! It's addictive, and persuasive, full of love, full of ideas that aren't too scared to be shared because failure is just a word, not the end.

A burning heart may fail at something but it doesn't know how to stop because it's got to light something else to spread the fire...when one fire burns out, another fire lights it back up again. (This is where we need each other - I'm so big on this!)

Alright...now I'm just rambling. But I hope you get my drift...

It's now an hour later, and I'm still full of 'butterflies'...yeah I'm totally 'giddy'...worthily so!

In the words of one of the greatest people I know (Chris Pace) says, "Keep the fire burning."

WORD.

You are loved....xx

Unashamed "neediness"...

Weaknesses.

I've got plenty of these to go around for all of us (or whoever may be reading this). And the longer I live, the more I realize they aren't going anywhere...and in some strange way, I'm learning - that's OK. 

The amount of times in my life I have asked God "why did you call me to do this, I'm not even good at it?" is more than I can even count. Sometimes I get a simple, profound answer in reply to this false-humility-filled question, and sometimes I don't - and I think it's because I should already know the answer. When I don't get an answer, I usually will sit there for awhile contemplating how many other people could and should be doing better what I'm doing at the moment. 

The funny thing is that I remember reading (and still do) these fascinating stories in the Bible, when I was younger, of people who were called by God to do great and mighty things. These people weren't obvious choices for kings, rulers, judges, or the mother of a Savior...BUT they were. Although the bible doesn't always tell us how a person felt after they were called, they were only human. And with that comes these temporary moments of disbelief in themselves. 

Think about it: In every decision they had to make that NOT everyone believed was the right one, they had to remain strong in it. In every lonely minute they spent trying to lead numbers of people, their lives were constantly under scrutiny; while other's constantly gave their opinion of how things should go. I'm sure there were times when they too battled the thought that someone else should be doing what they were doing. And we've all heard the many times they wanted to quit because it was more than they could carry. 

But just when they couldn't carry anymore, the LORD stepped in. He took over and he won every time! He brought them through battle, temptation, mistake after mistake, and the raising of the Savior of the world. 

I've heard so many arguments about how much God does through us and how much of it is actually us....and the only thing I can conclude is that He is the very breath we breath...so how can we think that we can do anything without Him? We only think that we can because God has never ceased to exist - therefore - we have breath and life. 

This morning, on my way to lead worship at church, I prayed a prayer. I prayed that God would completely take over...a prayer I've learned to be careful praying - because He will! I yearned for a new awakening in the lives of the people and for breakthrough and refreshing. I so badly wanted them to forget about the team on stage and be drawn to the presence and love of God. I wanted something new for the people ...I really did want God to take over. 

There was this moment of complete "vulnerability" while I was worshiping after I sang the line "Give me eyes to see more of who you are..." that I completely lost it. I couldn't sing a note at all, let alone well. It took everything in me to remain composed. He had taken over...

There are only a few moments that I can recall this happening while I was meant to be leading a congregation in worship, and every time I have had to recognize that God was there and forget about the detriment of my vocal mis-happenings. After all, it is and never will be about my voice or about anyone else on the team. 

Sure, my voice is not the greatest...I've never had a problem with wanting to argue this point, but I know God is with me. He is near to me, working with me (again..so hard to comprehend) to bring other's to Him who don't know about His love. 

I could make a list of my weaknesses and probably get them all right...after all, I am my biggest critique :) But I find this hope and strength in knowing that His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses.

So I'll keep going on with life, working on the very thing God has called me to do. I'll keep taking lessons to better my voice or whatever (because God and people deserve our best), but at the end of the day, if I allow - He will take over. 

I can't get over this thought ...I kept saying out loud in my car as I was driving... "God, I really can't do this life without you...I really can't. Please don't let me think that I can." As I'm writing this, I'm fighting back tears because I know that I may forget my need for Him. But I know It's alright...He'll remind me all over again :).

Be encouraged by His grace in your life...it is for the impossible situations. His grace is for the unlikely leaders (such as myself)...It is for the "unqualified," the "unschooled," the "vulnerable," the "over-worked," the "unappreciated," and whatever else you've ever thought about yourself. 

He is for YOU. He is WITH you. He has CALLED you. 

Is God CRAZY, You ask...??

Of course He is...He is crazy about YOU.

You are loved...xx

Sunrises and Sunsets=beginnings and endings

If you know me, you'd know that I am just short of being obsessed with both sunrises and sunsets. You can't deny The Creator behind the canvas of these two stunning times of day.

They are both still. It's as if they are saying something and the whole world should be still and quiet enough to listen. I could be anywhere, doing anything BUT when I see either one of these - I have NO PROBLEM stopping to appreciate them. And when I say appreciate, what I really mean is 'get lost' for awhile.

I've never seen an ugly sunrise or sunset - each and every one of them is a masterpiece. The colors, where they are placed...I don't know any human who could create such a unique and timeless picture every single day. I've never seen one that looks like another, and I've never seen one that didn't take my breath away.


The Sunrise....

Let's take the sunrise for example. Look at this picture!!!! It's unexplainable and yet so much is speaking in this one photo. So many stories, so many colors, so many words of life just bursting from the corners of it!

One morning when I was still living in Australia, I had to go pick up the mail for work from the post office down the street. I always walked because It gave me space and time to think about my morning. That morning, the sun was just rising. All the sudden, these words came to me, "If the sunrise could whisper, it would say "Take heart, it's a new day."
I sort of just stood still and thought about that one thought for what seemed like ages. The sunrise WOULD whisper! It's how I would imagine it! And everything that happened the day before is irrelevant in comparison to what is  happening today. Right now. Whatever was happening in my life; and had happened the day before...it wasn't as big anymore. The Lord was speaking...and He was saying through His creation..."Take heart, It's a new day." What an incredible thought!!!!

I was thinking on the words 'take heart' yesterday and I came up with my own interpretation of them. Take heart is to trust and the learning of trust, leaning on, sit quiet within, stop and listen to Him, forgetting worries, forgetting impossibilities, forgetting mistakes for moment and remembering His grace, an awakening to newness, the beginning of possibility, the beginning of rest and the beginning of peace.

The Sunrise is a NEW beginning. A verse to think/meditate on: Psalm 30:5 (the second part) "...weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning!" Brush off your shoulders the day before! Just shrug it off! Sure, life is still going on no matter what day it is, and maybe you still have bills piling up creating debt, or you have family members that you haven't spoken to in ages because of a falling out... but REMEMBER Joy comes in the morning! Celebrate each new day...take time to admire, ponder on, lean onto, listen, be still, trust again, be honest with Him, trade your worry for laughter, and then keep laughing!

The Sunset...

Now, the sunset.... (sigh)...I'd say, out of the two of these - this is by far my favorite time of day. I mean, look at it! Are you kidding me?! It's breath-taking...literally! Just imagine you were there watching it...how much more would life just stand still?

There are so many times I can remember being right smack in the middle of the most insane day imaginable (not bad, just busy) and then I see the sunset happening right in front of me. If it's possible (and I won't get myself in trouble) I will ALWAYS stop and just stare into it. I get lost in these moments. And just fair warning for anyone who tries to talk to me while I'm looking at one of these, I probably won't listen. But it's not because I don't care about you or what you're saying...but simply because, I'm completely lost and I'm letting go of the whole day in that one moment. I literally feel refreshed after I watch a sunset. Whatever happened prior to that moment that was less than pleasant, I have now just forgotten the pain of it.

I'm not encouraging complete idiot-like actions in which you forget about important things and people get hurt or you cause damage at work, school or wherever. But I do encourage taking those few moments a day to admire The Creator and his undeniable love for you. Once you've watched it, embrace that moment...hold it close, but then get back to life - we've still got things to do that we can't be naive about (:

As strange as it may seem, I believe the sunset is a sign from God to 'let go' of whatever pain you are holding onto that day. It's as if He is giving the OK to do so. So...in the words of NIKE "just do it!" The sunset is the ending of the day. It is preparing you for the beginning that is coming the next day. Don't ever despise the ending of something...for just as surely, the beginning of something new is coming. Hold on and hang in there...your breath of fresh air is coming.

For me, the sunset gives me permission to exhale...release my whole day, and give my burdens to God - who is ABLE to carry them...when I was NEVER meant to.

Me stopping to appreciate His creation is something He deserves. He doesn't ask for it, ohhhhh but He most certainly deserves it! It's one way I've learned to pour my love out to Him.

Take the time...

You are loved....