Walk it out...NO WAIT...WRITE it out!

I remember playing sport in middle school and then trading in the "obvious sport" for the kind of sport that people misinterpret for 'mamby pamby' sport - Dance. Let me tell you something...It's no "MAMBY PAMBY" sport! I would challenge any man; or person for that matter to give leaps and high kicks a try for 30 seconds and tell me you're not gonna be sore for about as long as you'd be sore for getting pummeled in football.

OK...Yes, I'm passionate about dance. I digress. :)

BUT. When I played basketball, I loved  it! I really was passionate about it. And although I've never been a real big 'competition' type person (i'd rather just play for fun), I loved it. And I'd like to think at the time, I was pretty good. Obviously not WNBA worthy...maybe when I grow up? Every time I got hurt or anyone else got hurt, I'd hear the coach or some random player's over-eccentric, sports fanatic-like mom yell from the stands, "Walk it out, Walk it out...It'd be alright!"

So, we'd 'walk it out.' Even if it was just that the ball hit me in the nose. Same thing; walk it out. Because sooner or later, everything was better. I'd understand it if it were a sprang knee, ankle, or foot type incident, but it was used for EVERY injury. I loved it! Every sport I've watched lived in high school has the same common phrase yelled out somewhere in between the first half of the game, the cheerleaders dance in the middle, and the 2nd half.

The other night I'm laying in bed and all the sudden this "walk it out" thought comes to my mind and then was quickly followed by an abrupt "No...WRITE IT OUT!" I remember thinking that I needed to write so badly in that moment, but I share a room with a 2 year old and my attempt at getting up without making any noise from one room to the next would probably fail. Even though I'm naturally a very light stepper around the house when I need to be.

(Side note: I'm also the lightest sleeper you will probably ever meet. Much to my detriment.  Unfortunately it isn't hereditary so I can't blame any of my family members for an 'eyelash blink' that somehow wakes me up.)

Because I was too afraid to wake my nephew, I remained in bed; sure as I'll ever be that in the morning, I'd remember the words that I had at that exact moment. Yeah. Anyone who has a brain and who has ever made writing a hobby or a passion knows that is the decision to 'wait til the morning' is the dumbest one you can make in regards to writing. Because almost every time, you forget it - because you've slept.

I can't explain how much I believe in writing and how much it can actually make your 'darkly-dimmed day' turn into a subtle blue shade of hope; even if you don't necessarily feel it.  Once you write it, you lose the weight of it. It's as if you are taking the weight of whatever it is that is effecting you and you're putting on paper. After that point, it's not yours to carry anymore. It's your journal's job now. As weird as that may seem, it's true.

Even now, I've had such a long day. Everything right now is so beautifully graced and favored, but it is also very overwhelming because it is all very unknown. I've never done these things before, I've never seen these things before, and I've never had this much responsibility. But yet, all I can think of doing is writing. It's the only 'sane' thing to do in my head. I can't even begin any one of the 10 projects I need to work on because my mind is too full. And strange as it is, after writing this, I'll be good to go!

So my theory is this...Yes I said THEORY. I'm not trying to be 'weird' or over analyze anything here...just trying to say something that I believe with all my heart will honestly change your life if/when you begin doing it.

WRITE IT OUT! Write out your frustrations, your glories, your sadness, your joys, your failures, your triumphs, your fears, your dreams, and even write out your frustration with another person. Believe me, that's much much better than telling someone else who doesn't need to know that information. Gossip is ugly anyway, and it makes you unattractive. BUT FYI, just make sure you give that person a 'code name' so if they ever read it, you won't offend them later on when you've forgiven them for whatever silly thing happened between the two of you.

I also think that everyone can do this. No matter how many kids you have, whatever job you have, how much free-time you think you have. Write down how you feel, what you dream, what you hope...whatever! I know all kinds of people that do this. Maybe you don't have every day  to do this, but you've got once a week right? Try it. Try it for a month and tell me you don't feel better. Maybe you won't...but i'd honestly be surprised.

I love when young people come up to me with things they've written and want me to read it. It's real personal stuff; about family, or fears, or sadness, or their best friend. But I absolutely adore it! And I always let them know how proud of them that I am because it takes 'guts' to put how you feel on paper. It takes 'guts' to let someone else read it. But the more you write, the more you find satisfaction in it.

Will you write things that are horrible and probably don't have any point? Sure. At times, you'll probably write things and then later on read them and think 'what in the world was I thinking?" That's ok. We've all done it. But you learn every time you write. You learn more about yourself both in an academic way and in a personal way.

It's a real-raw-passionate-beautiful-process.

So...WRITE IT OUT! Just do it...you know you want to.

And when you've begun to write, you can then encourage someone else to write. But if you're going to write, don't write to hurt others-write to help others. I promise, if you go in with that mindset, you will most definitely help people.

We can learn so much from each other's life experiences.

Get it going...don't just sit there...really!

You are loved,
Nat

Love isn't Safe...

I heard a song the other day; then quickly followed it by attempting to find the story behind the song. I'm not sure if you know what I'm talking about when I say this but there are those songs that you love and you'll play on repeat about a dozen times ten times just because you can't get enough of it. Then there are those songs that make you wonder if you've ever written down these lyrics subconsciously and then someone else took them. Only you've never actually voiced them out loud, and to be honest, you probably weren't aware that it was even true about yourself...

I like to call these moments: Wake up calls.

Not exactly the early morning call you want when you've tried to sleep all night long or you've been out all night doing whatever, but it's needed in order to get on with your day; or in other words, your life. These moments usually happen when you least expect them to and that's is probably what I love most about them.

How gracious and compassionate of a God do we serve that He reaches us in ways like this so we can hear Him and become a greater person. Sure it's a painful moment when you realize that you've got YET another area to work on or give up (however you look at it), but it's a beautiful humbling place. Bitter sweet.

Here are the lyrics...

"Safe"

You keep tryin to get inside my head, 
While I keep trying to lose the words you said 
Can't you see I'm hangin by a thread, 
To my life what I know, yeah I'm losing control and 
Oh no, my walls are gonna break 
So close, its more than I can take 
I'm so tired of turning and running away 
When love just isn't safe  
you're not safe
I'm strong enough, I've always told myself 
I never want to need somebody else 
But I've already fallen from that hill, 
So I'm droppin that guard here's your chance at my heart and 

Oh no, my walls are gonna break 
So close, its more than I can take 
I'm so tired of turning and running away 
When love just isn't 

Everything you want, but its everything you need 
Its not always happy endings but its happy in between 
Its taken so long, so long to finally see 
That your love is worth the risk 

Oh no, my walls are gonna break 
So close, its more than I can take 
So tired of turning and running away 
When love just isn't safe 

Your not safe 
And that's okay


I really haven't lived that long; but I've lived long enough to know that loving someone is such a risk. Just like anyone, I've been hurt, lied to, cheated on, mistreated, used, and the list continues. But let's not stay on this; because, to be honest, that is life. We live in a world full of humanity; and the thing we all share is our initial default to make mistakes. (Thank God He sent His son to save us from ourselves).

And what I never really realized until recently was how much I had created 'unintentional' walls between myself and others; so afraid of so many things. Opening up to someone means that they'll know things about you that they could hold against you. It means being vulnerable and trusting all over again.

But what if something goes wrong???

There were these incredibly amazing people that I would find myself getting to know in friendship and yet there was this small part of me that was so scared to go any further in the friendship. Sadly, they remained exactly where I left them...at a distance. I have concluded many a time that I missed out by not allowing myself to get any closer.

Love is not just a word, it is an action and a lifestyle choice. It is completely selfless, completely vulnerable, completely sacrificial, completely beautiful, and completely messy in the level of risk it requires.

What if you love someone but they don't love you back? 


What if someone doesn't really like me when they get to know me? 

What if I appear too needy when I confide in them?

When I think of love, I think of Jesus. For God so LOVED the world, that he gave his only son. Everything about that beautiful sacrifice was a risk. Who's to say whether or not you or I would ever/or will ever open our hearts to Him? Our returned love was never guaranteed when He gave HIS life, and His love.

The most confronting thing about my 'wake up call' the other day is how much it closely related to how I am with God. I've spent so much time trying to hold it all together (even before God) thinking that I'd be a burden if I didn't, that I missed out on the blessing of relationship God was trying to bring to my life.

I always talk about how much we all need each other. "We were created for relationship - not just with God but also with each other." There is absolutely nothing safe about loving someone or being loved, but it is so worth the risk it requires.

BUT; the other day, I was awakened to the fact that I didn't actually believe completely in what I was 'preaching.' I mean, I absolutely loved when others would confide in me and need me for things; but I was so afraid that as soon as I needed someone for the same reasons - that others would never want to reciprocate it. What a horrible distrust I had built in people! To clarify, there are near and dear people in my life that I have completely opened up my heart to - without any reserve or disappointment in doing so. But I just allowed myself to remain safe...with everyone.

Reality is that we can't possibly trust every single person we come into contact with. But for those who have a underlying fear to trust anyone and will unintentionally hold people at a safe distance (and not realize it), please know that (along with myself) it's probably time to break down these self-made walls we have selfishly built (with good intentions:).

The more I read about Wisdom, the more I notice that wisdom doesn't build walls, but it has this caution and strength that can protect you from unnecessary pain. We can't possibly know the intentions of every person we come in contact with; and that is where godly wisdom comes into play. But what I always want to remember is how much of a risk Christ has taken with you and I.

Getting hurt in any relationship is inevitable; and that being said from a place of optimism. But it doesn't mean we shouldn't take the risk in caring and loving for someone.

We could be missing out on one of the most influential relationships that will ever exist in our life. Love isn't safe...and that's ok...because I would rather live a life with no regrets.

I want to be known because I gave. Instead of being so afraid to give that I never knew real love to the fullest.

Whoever you are...fear has no place..PERFECT LOVE (comes with risk) replaces and 'casts' out all fear.
I don't know about you, but I'm tired of running away from something that I actually need. I only wish I could apologize to all those I'm sure I pushed away...

Jesus gave and loved to the fullest. He did that for us...because He believed there was no risk in loving you and I that wasn't worth dying for.

Breathe that thought in...

you are loved.
xx

A Burning Heart

Here I am typing this at 12:49am...with this feeling of 'butterflies' in my stomach. You know that feeling you get when you like someone and you see them...yeah...that one :)

Well these butterflies are the result of something totally different...kinda. Ha...

I never expected that being obedient and leaving Sydney would result in how I feel in the present. Of course, it's usually that way. You can never see that far into the future enough to know that everything is eventually going to be better than you thought; and even more, pretty darn amazing!

Right now, I'm working at a church in San Angelo, Texas. Not that big of a city, but big enough to blink and see a need and another hurting person attached to the need. Big enough to see a beggar holding a sign with a genuine need for a job. I got to admit, this place wasn't 'in the cards' in regards to my plan, but it's become quite perfect. I work for this amazing church who have already blessed me beyond what I could have imagined.

Here's the cool part!

I've got all these ideas, dreams, BIGGG ones that are brewing (like coffee) every night when I go to bed and and continue to roast when I wake up in the morning. They NEVER stop coming! I love every minute of 'sleeplessness' when it comes.

And you know what? When God calls you somewhere whether now or in the future, people are gonna say things about why they believe you are making the decisions you're making and whether your motives are right...and I think that is a question that can only be tested between you and God. Aside from that...it's all good. Don't let other people's opinions persuade you to sway away from the seed God planted...cause all kinds of opinions will flare up - but who cares!

(don't know where that all came from!?)

ANY WAY.

Aside from leading a team of amazing worshipers every week, I also get this phenomenal opportunity to be a teacher's aide for 5th graders at a school. I always thought I'd love to teach; not sure if I ever will but at least I get to have a small taste of what it'd be like. Our church runs a school that just became a Charter school which means that it is now funded completely by the State. (a really good thing by the way!). One of the requirements that the State gives us is that we have to run an 'after school' program for the kids who's parents aren't able to pick them up until later in the evening. During this time we are actually allowed to speak about Jesus.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I GET TO HANG OUT WITH KIDS AND TALK TO THEM ABOUT JESUS!?

My heart is ablaze! Mostly with ideas for the future...but I realize now that everything starts with now. Right now, what am I doing with my life? Maybe studying online for a degree in Psychology doesn't quite make sense right now because it's definitely not what I would have picked for my life...but at least I'm moving forward.

God can only work with something that is moving. And even if you're going in an awkward direction, He'll steer it back to where it needed to be in the first place.

No regrets I say...No regrets. That's how I want to feel when I am at the end of my life.

So go ahead and allow the heart to be ablaze...let the dreams bubble up from within you and make an appearance on the surface one day. Some will, some may not. A heart that is ablaze is infectious...you draw others to you. A heart on fire is so attractive....!!!! It's addictive, and persuasive, full of love, full of ideas that aren't too scared to be shared because failure is just a word, not the end.

A burning heart may fail at something but it doesn't know how to stop because it's got to light something else to spread the fire...when one fire burns out, another fire lights it back up again. (This is where we need each other - I'm so big on this!)

Alright...now I'm just rambling. But I hope you get my drift...

It's now an hour later, and I'm still full of 'butterflies'...yeah I'm totally 'giddy'...worthily so!

In the words of one of the greatest people I know (Chris Pace) says, "Keep the fire burning."

WORD.

You are loved....xx

Unashamed "neediness"...

Weaknesses.

I've got plenty of these to go around for all of us (or whoever may be reading this). And the longer I live, the more I realize they aren't going anywhere...and in some strange way, I'm learning - that's OK. 

The amount of times in my life I have asked God "why did you call me to do this, I'm not even good at it?" is more than I can even count. Sometimes I get a simple, profound answer in reply to this false-humility-filled question, and sometimes I don't - and I think it's because I should already know the answer. When I don't get an answer, I usually will sit there for awhile contemplating how many other people could and should be doing better what I'm doing at the moment. 

The funny thing is that I remember reading (and still do) these fascinating stories in the Bible, when I was younger, of people who were called by God to do great and mighty things. These people weren't obvious choices for kings, rulers, judges, or the mother of a Savior...BUT they were. Although the bible doesn't always tell us how a person felt after they were called, they were only human. And with that comes these temporary moments of disbelief in themselves. 

Think about it: In every decision they had to make that NOT everyone believed was the right one, they had to remain strong in it. In every lonely minute they spent trying to lead numbers of people, their lives were constantly under scrutiny; while other's constantly gave their opinion of how things should go. I'm sure there were times when they too battled the thought that someone else should be doing what they were doing. And we've all heard the many times they wanted to quit because it was more than they could carry. 

But just when they couldn't carry anymore, the LORD stepped in. He took over and he won every time! He brought them through battle, temptation, mistake after mistake, and the raising of the Savior of the world. 

I've heard so many arguments about how much God does through us and how much of it is actually us....and the only thing I can conclude is that He is the very breath we breath...so how can we think that we can do anything without Him? We only think that we can because God has never ceased to exist - therefore - we have breath and life. 

This morning, on my way to lead worship at church, I prayed a prayer. I prayed that God would completely take over...a prayer I've learned to be careful praying - because He will! I yearned for a new awakening in the lives of the people and for breakthrough and refreshing. I so badly wanted them to forget about the team on stage and be drawn to the presence and love of God. I wanted something new for the people ...I really did want God to take over. 

There was this moment of complete "vulnerability" while I was worshiping after I sang the line "Give me eyes to see more of who you are..." that I completely lost it. I couldn't sing a note at all, let alone well. It took everything in me to remain composed. He had taken over...

There are only a few moments that I can recall this happening while I was meant to be leading a congregation in worship, and every time I have had to recognize that God was there and forget about the detriment of my vocal mis-happenings. After all, it is and never will be about my voice or about anyone else on the team. 

Sure, my voice is not the greatest...I've never had a problem with wanting to argue this point, but I know God is with me. He is near to me, working with me (again..so hard to comprehend) to bring other's to Him who don't know about His love. 

I could make a list of my weaknesses and probably get them all right...after all, I am my biggest critique :) But I find this hope and strength in knowing that His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses.

So I'll keep going on with life, working on the very thing God has called me to do. I'll keep taking lessons to better my voice or whatever (because God and people deserve our best), but at the end of the day, if I allow - He will take over. 

I can't get over this thought ...I kept saying out loud in my car as I was driving... "God, I really can't do this life without you...I really can't. Please don't let me think that I can." As I'm writing this, I'm fighting back tears because I know that I may forget my need for Him. But I know It's alright...He'll remind me all over again :).

Be encouraged by His grace in your life...it is for the impossible situations. His grace is for the unlikely leaders (such as myself)...It is for the "unqualified," the "unschooled," the "vulnerable," the "over-worked," the "unappreciated," and whatever else you've ever thought about yourself. 

He is for YOU. He is WITH you. He has CALLED you. 

Is God CRAZY, You ask...??

Of course He is...He is crazy about YOU.

You are loved...xx

Sunrises and Sunsets=beginnings and endings

If you know me, you'd know that I am just short of being obsessed with both sunrises and sunsets. You can't deny The Creator behind the canvas of these two stunning times of day.

They are both still. It's as if they are saying something and the whole world should be still and quiet enough to listen. I could be anywhere, doing anything BUT when I see either one of these - I have NO PROBLEM stopping to appreciate them. And when I say appreciate, what I really mean is 'get lost' for awhile.

I've never seen an ugly sunrise or sunset - each and every one of them is a masterpiece. The colors, where they are placed...I don't know any human who could create such a unique and timeless picture every single day. I've never seen one that looks like another, and I've never seen one that didn't take my breath away.


The Sunrise....

Let's take the sunrise for example. Look at this picture!!!! It's unexplainable and yet so much is speaking in this one photo. So many stories, so many colors, so many words of life just bursting from the corners of it!

One morning when I was still living in Australia, I had to go pick up the mail for work from the post office down the street. I always walked because It gave me space and time to think about my morning. That morning, the sun was just rising. All the sudden, these words came to me, "If the sunrise could whisper, it would say "Take heart, it's a new day."
I sort of just stood still and thought about that one thought for what seemed like ages. The sunrise WOULD whisper! It's how I would imagine it! And everything that happened the day before is irrelevant in comparison to what is  happening today. Right now. Whatever was happening in my life; and had happened the day before...it wasn't as big anymore. The Lord was speaking...and He was saying through His creation..."Take heart, It's a new day." What an incredible thought!!!!

I was thinking on the words 'take heart' yesterday and I came up with my own interpretation of them. Take heart is to trust and the learning of trust, leaning on, sit quiet within, stop and listen to Him, forgetting worries, forgetting impossibilities, forgetting mistakes for moment and remembering His grace, an awakening to newness, the beginning of possibility, the beginning of rest and the beginning of peace.

The Sunrise is a NEW beginning. A verse to think/meditate on: Psalm 30:5 (the second part) "...weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning!" Brush off your shoulders the day before! Just shrug it off! Sure, life is still going on no matter what day it is, and maybe you still have bills piling up creating debt, or you have family members that you haven't spoken to in ages because of a falling out... but REMEMBER Joy comes in the morning! Celebrate each new day...take time to admire, ponder on, lean onto, listen, be still, trust again, be honest with Him, trade your worry for laughter, and then keep laughing!

The Sunset...

Now, the sunset.... (sigh)...I'd say, out of the two of these - this is by far my favorite time of day. I mean, look at it! Are you kidding me?! It's breath-taking...literally! Just imagine you were there watching it...how much more would life just stand still?

There are so many times I can remember being right smack in the middle of the most insane day imaginable (not bad, just busy) and then I see the sunset happening right in front of me. If it's possible (and I won't get myself in trouble) I will ALWAYS stop and just stare into it. I get lost in these moments. And just fair warning for anyone who tries to talk to me while I'm looking at one of these, I probably won't listen. But it's not because I don't care about you or what you're saying...but simply because, I'm completely lost and I'm letting go of the whole day in that one moment. I literally feel refreshed after I watch a sunset. Whatever happened prior to that moment that was less than pleasant, I have now just forgotten the pain of it.

I'm not encouraging complete idiot-like actions in which you forget about important things and people get hurt or you cause damage at work, school or wherever. But I do encourage taking those few moments a day to admire The Creator and his undeniable love for you. Once you've watched it, embrace that moment...hold it close, but then get back to life - we've still got things to do that we can't be naive about (:

As strange as it may seem, I believe the sunset is a sign from God to 'let go' of whatever pain you are holding onto that day. It's as if He is giving the OK to do so. So...in the words of NIKE "just do it!" The sunset is the ending of the day. It is preparing you for the beginning that is coming the next day. Don't ever despise the ending of something...for just as surely, the beginning of something new is coming. Hold on and hang in there...your breath of fresh air is coming.

For me, the sunset gives me permission to exhale...release my whole day, and give my burdens to God - who is ABLE to carry them...when I was NEVER meant to.

Me stopping to appreciate His creation is something He deserves. He doesn't ask for it, ohhhhh but He most certainly deserves it! It's one way I've learned to pour my love out to Him.

Take the time...

You are loved....

A Heart Constantly Broken.

Whether or not you know Jesus isn't relevant in this moment because I will tell you about Him anyway. 

Jesus; (the Lord and Savior of ALL), when still walking this Earth, traveled. We can read that He traveled from city to city, town to town and ALWAYS with a divine agenda. It's hard to imagine a human ALWAYS knowing the right thing to do at the right time; Jesus did. He imitated what His Father said and did. It was the way He lived and breathed. He lived to please His Father in Heaven. 

If ever I get a little confused on what living like Christ is like, I just pop open every book in the Bible that tells stories about Jesus and I read. Then I reread, and keep doing so until....I'm reminded. 

I kinda love these times...the days that need reminding of what real love is. 

Jesus was moved by everyONE he passed by. Even in between one (unscheduled) event to the next. 

The Bible tells us a lot; but It doesn't always tells us how Jesus was feeling or what He was thinking. But I like to imagine that Jesus lived a life completely foreign to many of us. He knew joy, peace, love, hope and all the good things we strive for, but He also knew what a broken heart felt like. And I believe that He carried both with Him always.

The broken heart was for you and for me. ALL OF US. Before He ever died for us, He was heart-broken for us. 

Many of us can relate to having a broken heart at one point in our lives. Whether it be from a relationship gone wrong or a death of a loved one. However, this isn't the kind of broken heart I am talking about.

That kind of broken heart can leave you debilitated and unable to think clearly. 

I'm talking about the kind of broken heart that makes you want to cry, scream, punch someone in the face (and then take it back cause you'll regret it), and then change the situation on behalf of someone else. I'm talking about those moments when you see such an injustice that you feel helpless for that person, but you still want to do something about it. 

A beautifully broken heart sees the mistreated everywhere they go. They don't have more pity on one particular race, gender, or age because to them - a broken heart doesn't discriminate. 

There are a handful of things VERY close to my heart that have left my heart in a constant state of "brokenness" and I've been so moved to do something about these things. And I have. But I don't think this requires any applause at all. For many reasons really. But one reason being that there are many people out there doing great things and working hard to prevent injustices from recreating themselves again. 

Growth means movement. Growth continues on and doesn't rest when It thinks It has done well. I'm not saying to go out looking for a broken heart; that would be foolish in more than a hundred ways. Growth looks for opportunity to grow. That is the one thing it does seek out. 

Maybe...let's replace the word growth with your name or mine and I think my analogy may make more sense. 

As I'm sitting in a comfy church chair yesterday listening to a very 'eye-opening' message from the book of Colossians about the church, I began to realize all over again that my heart hasn't been broken for something NEW in awhile. And not even a few hours later, I had an encounter with a good friend of mine that completely changed that very thing within seconds of hearing what his lost broken heart was saying. 

I won't go into the story, but He doesn't know Jesus yet. And at the end of our conversation, I could swear I felt my heart break and It hurt. The right kind of broken heart comes with pain for that person you are broken for, but then; sometimes, just as quickly - comes this "I've got to be better than I am" for this person. As in, you've got to see both sides of their situation: the sadness and despair, and then the Joy and peace on the other side. We've got to see the Hope in Jesus too. We have to...without that, what are we here for if not to bring the hope of Jesus?

Whether or not you know Jesus, I pray that your eyes would be opened to the brokenness around you always. I pray that you would know that you have something to offer the people around you. We are all on a journey, and none is completely void of trials - but let's remember to lift people up when they are down. Let's remember to think about more than just ourselves. 

Reaching out to others has been the remedy for many who have battled with depression - allowing yourself to be moved by someone else's tragedy changes your own life. 

No matter how impossible it seems now, I still believe we can change the world just by reaching out to those less fortunate around us. I believe in a city with no racial walls, no judgement based on social status; that when the going get's tough for someone, the one that is first there to help is the least likely - the one who has never encountered what they have and yet their heart is broken and moved for them. A place where love means more than your busy schedule. 

I don't care how naive I sound - I believe in a place like this. 

Jesus loved you before He died for you. He loved you after he died for you and rose again. He loved you before you were born. He loved you when you made that really bad decision and decided to keep doing it. And even more, He still loves you....

Natalie

"On top of the world" all the time..

I got to thinking the other day when I was still jobless, penniless, and single (the least of my worries actually...but I just thought I'd add it in there for sympathy purposes)...about how blessed I am. Right now. And I can honestly say that I am probably more blessed than I've ever been; even without all of those things.

You know what's crazy though..?? How no matter how much we have/don't have/want/rich/poor/single/married...we find ourselves wishing and longing for a different life. We find something on the inside of us that wonders what the other side would feel like. Is it just me?...am I alone on this?

I think not.

And maybe it's only temporary insanity that pleads from the inside out for something different; and I'm not entirely sure that this is a negative thing. Were we not created for something more than this life we live in now?!

The reason why I believe I am more blessed than ever is because I have more experience. I have learned more, succeeded more, failed more, loved more, been broken-hearted more, dreamed more, been 'too scared to do anything' more than ever, cried and laughed more, taught myself to not get offended more, wrote more, sang more songs, watched the hand of God so wonderfully take care of me more, seen more, tasted more, hugged more, and the list goes on. I have lived more in the last few years than I ever have. And no matter what each of these things felt like in the moment, I wouldn't take back the lessons learnt from either of them.

You see; we could look at our lives from the view point of a 'consistent want' or 'fake need' of something or someone for as long as we want, and we will never feel alleviated from that temporary 'pot-hole' that leaves that aching feeling in our stomach.

I decided last week when I was still in need, still in want of something I didn't have - that I would remain (in my heart) on 'top of the world' all of the time. I saw a post on Facebook the other day that said: I'm a romantic literalist. As in: "The glass is neither half full or half empty-- it's just half a glass of water... OOH! But look at how the light shines through it!"


I LOVED this point of view! It's not about trying to create a false positive by pretending that what is going on in your life isn't real - that it doesn't hurt, or doesn't seem impossible. It's about seeing reality but making the most of it.

FOR EXAMPLE!!!! :)

When I didn't have a job, I realized that in between the job searching and sulking over my lack of, I could either do that; just sulk all day, or I could look at it from the perspective that I may never have this time again. I may never have this time to write, ponder, dream, be inspired, get a habit of being fit again, watch and enjoy every moment of my niece growing up...I may never have these moments again. And secretly, I think these times are a little piece of heaven in disguise.

I hear so many young girls (teenage/early 20s) yearning for marriage. I remember being one of those girls. And although I believe in marriage and how great it will be whole-heartily, I also believe that these years leading up to the life-long commitment of marriage and family are extremely vital. The older I get, the more I understand why the timing is essential. The longing and desire isn't wrong and there is nothing that says what the appropriate age is for marriage - please understand my point.

I have friends who got married young (18) and who are still married and now have children. They are happy - most definitely - but the moments where I have expressed how I think it'd be great to be 'in their shoes'...EVERY single one if them has said the same thing..."But Nat, you have gotten to experience so much.   You have gotten to do things I will never get the experience to do."

And there is no competition. Each life is MEANT to be different than the other. Each life has it's own journey to walk and tread through.

So no matter what we are faced with - triumph, tragedy, success, failure, joy, or sadness...let's make the effort to see the blessing(s) in our life. Re-adjust and re-align 'your' reality to HIS reality.

I often wonder what God sees in comparison to me. In fact, I often ask Him that question. And I get all kinds of answers. But the most common of all is that He never sees impossibility. Ever.

A decision to be 'On top of the world' all the time isn't a self-motivated lie that we need to begin to practice...but rather it's a daily decision to look at life from a different perspective.

No more comparing, no more sulking...you must know that you are alive for a purpose greater than  your own. That's reason enough to keep your head held high. And on the other days when that might not work, go take a drive to somewhere that seems bigger than you: the ocean, lake, mountains, hills, desert...that always works for me. :)

This is for someone-hopefully...

You are loved xx