Haiti - I've never forgotten you

11 years ago I decided to take a 2 week mission trip with a bunch of other young people I didn't know to Dominican Republic and Haiti. We all met up in a training camp just outside of Dallas, Texas. While we were there, we did some training on what to expect from where we were going.

You can plan, imagine, prepare - (whatever you want to call it) for something all you like...but it can never really really prepare you for the reality of a situation.

Haiti is one of the most beautiful places (geographically) on the Earth that I have seen so far. I mean, I woke up every morning and had fresh bananas and pineapple directly from the source - I still can remember the taste. I may grow bananas one day...the thought of it has inspired me to. :)

But what I remember the most about Haiti is their spiritual heritage. Before heading to Haiti from Dominican republic, we were warned of the history of Haiti and how they had devoted most of the lives to worshipping using witchcraft and all that comes with that. All we knew is that it would be very different then the United States. When a whole nation has decided to make Voodoo their primary religion and belief... you know things are gonna be different.

We were on our way to Haiti by bus from Dominican. As soon as we crossed the border between the two countries - something changed...we felt it. The only way to explain it is that something 'spiritually' had changed. Before we could say anything that put words to how we all felt at that same moment...the bus completely broke down. Right there...within only meters of arriving in the country of Haiti...our bus had completely stopped working. Immediately we all looked at each other and knew that this was going to be a battle. One that ONLY our preperation in prayer had prepared us for.

You see, our team wasn't just traveling around doing 'nice things for Jesus.' We were preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ...and hundreds of people were being saved because of the message. People were being healed and set free and being connected with great churches in their area so that they could continue to serve Jesus with others. And if you've been a follower of Christ longer than 2 minutes - you will have found out quicker than you can say the word 'quick' that satan exists only to see destruction come to our lives. And ANYTHING that brings Life and salvation is an enemy to him.

So we came there to bring life, love, freedom, and bring the message of salvation to people who probably had NEVER heard this message. We came to bring the message of hope and salvation to people who had been using voodoo mixed with their version of Catholicism for as long as their country had existed. Most of them knew nothing else.

Ever since then I have been vowing in my heart that I would return...the people stole a place in my heart.

We stopped at a little orphanage just right inside the country and began to get to know the children who barely spoke any English. So we used the little bit of french we knew and did our best to communicate. We taught them songs about Jesus in french...songs like 'Jesus loves me.' So here we are...just young people - who didn't know what we were doing other than that we were relying completely on God to show us - and these beautiful Haitian children were singing songs about Jesus' love for them. I look back and still get the same feeling...'oh the ways God can bring healing and restoration to a nation.'

And just the other day - we all hear of massive natural disasters that have hit Haiti. And I guess it just hits home. Yes...11 years is a long time ago...but you never forget things like this. Ever.

Haiti needs prayer...more prayer than we normally would give. The stupid thing is that I'm sure someone who calls themselves a 'christian' will probably give their opinion that the reason natural disaster has come to Haiti is because of their devotion to satan. And believe you me...I will give that person my opinion when it happens!! God does not bring destruction upon a nation because of their disobedience...if so...America would be first! (AND I'M AMERICAN!!)

So...what is our part?...what is my part?...prayer..finance...whatever it takes. They need to know love and acceptance from every other part of the world. Love draws people to Jesus...not judgement.

There is so much work to do...we need to be praying for peace in this situation. Natural disaster has always bred more crime than what would normally be. And it was the case several years ago when Haiti was hit by two other massive cyclones/hurricanes. Let's pray this will not be the case...and that instead...the name of Jesus would rise up...and people would be drawn to Him....forever.

I still believe there is hope in devastation...God uses all things and makes them beautiful and new. I love the part in the movie 'The Passion of Christ' when Jesus is carrying the cross and Mary(his mother) runs over to him when He drops it...she is worried, feels hopeless...but He says to her..'Do not cry...for I make all things new.'

Let us pray.

Always Forever...

Its raining outside...one of my favorite things when i'm inside all snug under a blanket. I can smell the rain right now - Serenity.

I'm sitting here thinking, imagining how my life is gonna look in the next few months and how what's in my heart is gonna happen. And then, I quickly imagined how our creator must feel when I continually doubt what He can do. Doubt that He is big enough, strong enough, creative enough....ENOUGH.

I've found myself almost planning in the back of my mind going back to a place I once called home...a long long time ago. I keep thinking - 'It would be so much easier to just quit trusting and just go.' I keep thinking that every door that doesn't seem to be opening here...means its a door closing here. I keep thinking that the friendships I thought would happen aren't happening because its a door closing. You know...all the things that people have 'felt the need' to tell me at one time.

What is completely insane is that I know deep down it will all work out. But its hard waiting...and looking at what seems like 'wall after wall' of endless IMPOSSIBILITIES. Its funny though; everytime I try ( I mean REALLY try) to look into other options...I just feel God lead me to stop.

I gotta be honest - I don't know what that means. I'm a planner...I like to plan. I LOVE spontaneous...but I think I only love it when its convenient. But all this TRYING to plan ahead is making miss out on what's directly in my life right now. I don't wanna miss out on the good things I have now.

I've probably envied others more lately than I ever have in my whole life. And that is NOT easy to say. Wishing that their easy life was mine...funny how we think everyone else's life is easier than our own. Little do we know the struggles, challenges and the trust they had to learn to walk in.

In saying all of that - mostly nonsense...I do need Him. Always and forever. There will never be a season in my life where I will 'have it all together.' Ha! I may think I do...ohhh but I don't. I will always always always need my Saviour. I need Him to show me how to be more like Him and less like...well me (the 'moody' me). :)

So as the rain falls, the thunder rumbles, the wind violently blows the wee-baby trees outside my bedroom window...i'm listening to a song on repeat. And it couldn't be more perfect for what I need to learn - remember - meditate on right now. I recommend you listen to it if you can. Its called 'Always Forever' by Phil Wickham.


You are the hand
That catches my fall
You are the friend
That answers my call

You are my day
You are my night
You are my love
And all of my life

You are the Love I need
you are the air I breathe
You are my love, my life
always forever
I would lay down my life
just to be by your side
you are my love my life
always forever
always forever

You are the grace that covers my sin
You're everything, the beginning and end
you have my soul
my heart and my mind
You have my love
And all of my life

Hallelujah
Forever

The Need for a Saviour..

One of the great mentors in my life says this: 'we are saved, yet being saved. We are healed, yet being healed...' And this is not just a quote...this is truth.


A little over 3 1/2 years ago, I was a girl who felt so unworthy - so completely messed up. I had grown up in church and with a great family. But life had happened. And I had made some dumb choices just months before that. I had moved to a new country, and a new life...but the brokenness and unworthiness still resided in me.

Whilst sitting in a lecture in college; a question was asked by the lecturer that left me and only a few others unable to raise our hands. And in a quick moment, I felt all alone and exposed of my 'brokenness'. I remember feeling so embarrassed. It wasn't fair that everyone knew my personal business when they didn't know me. Extreme as it may sound...I wanted to run out of that room. But I held in the tears and the shame. Even on the bus ride home, I didn't sit next to anyone. I was in one of those 'if I say a word I may lose it to crying historically' moments.

All of a sudden, a song came over the speakers in the bus. I had heard this song many times before...but this time was different. The lyrics go like this:

'A thousand times i've failed, still your mercy remains.
Should I stumble again
Still i'm caught in your grace..'

Music has a way of bringing healing and hope. This was my song for the next few months. And even now, when I hear this song, it takes me back to a time when I was broken but was being mended by a beautiful, grace-giving God who never saw me broken...he saw me whole.

This began my REAL relationship with Jesus, my Saviour. I quickly learned that growing up in a great church and with a great family does not mean that you have a relationship with God. I began to talk to Him. And as weird as it may seem to some of you...this brought more healing than anything I have ever experienced before. It became a day-by-day, step-by-step process of recovery. Everyday, I woke up knowing I needed a Saviour.

The way I am descibing how I felt may appear worse than it was. Most of what I went through was how I saw myself...however; how we view ourself can be the most damaging weapon.

Shane Claiborne tells a story in his book 'The Irresistable Revolution' of a conversation he had with a man he knew who always 'stirred up' things when talking about religion. This man says 'Jesus never hung out with prostitutes..' to which Shane quickly gave scripture reference to oppose this. The man quickly rebutled the scriptural argument with these words, 'Jesus never hung out with prostitutes because he didn't see them that way. He just saw people he was madly in love with.' WOW...this coming from a man who had not grown up in church. He had a better understanding of the grace and love of God than most of us who have.

Now I understand that we have not all done anything similar to prostituting and/or anything of the like; but we have ALL done things that require a Saviour's forgiveness and grace. And the beautiful, yet humbling thing is we can not earn it. We don't deserve it either. And I'll repeat myself...YOU CAN NOT EARN IT. Not by good deeds. Nothing we do can earn the love that Jesus ALREADY has for us.

I'm still trying to comprehend this. Years into serving and having a relationship with God...and I still can't comprehend this kind of love. But it is so very very real. And it is the most beautiful news that will ever exist. Ever.

Music has a real power to bring life, comfort, peace, joy, and sometimes freedom to people. At least for me - it has always been this way. Everytime I get ready to sing, play, or write, I hope and pray that it does that very thing for those who hear/read it. I guess when you have experienced grace and love, you want to give it freely.

I have a hard time making a judgement towards someone because I know that their 'temporary' rudeness, inability to be kind, etc. is simply because of their own pain. I remember where i've come from. I remember what Christ has saved me from and forgiven me of. I don't feel guilty or unworthy. I feel completely humbled. I know I am a broken person...yet I am healed. I am healed...yet I am being healed.

That is real hope. Right there...plain as day. A preacher once told a story recently about how he asked a group of young people if they could have one wish, one thing...what would it be. All answered with a desire for something of possession. All but one of the young boys. This one young boy replied with this: "I would ask for forgiveness."

No matter who you are...what age, race, religion...you know you need forgiveness. Which brings us to this undeniable conclusion...

That we are ALL in need of a Saviour.

And there is only ONE who saves....

JESUS.

You are so very loved,

nat

Take a deep breath...then jump!

Here I am...4 years into what I would call: the greatest years of my life so far. And I don't say that lightly. I mean it.



That's not to say that within these last four years I haven't had a bad day or experienced anything tragic. Quite the contrary. But I wouldn't change ONE SINGLE moment of those bad days. Because I've learnt more than I could have imagined from them.



I'm living in a country I love...(most days its a competition between Australia and America being the best) ...but most of the time...Australia wins. I could have never imagined I'd be living here. Although; deep in my heart, I always knew I'd end up somewhere else in the world (because of my love and interest for it) I still couldn't have painted or created the life I'm living now. Its a big life. And I guess the only downside of it is that I rarely ever see my family. Its actually a BIG downside of living here...


I guess I can't have everything :)


This is home. This is MY home. This is MY HOME. Australia. In my heart...and for now, quite literally. However... this wasn't originally my home. And with that comes the confronting truth that I may not be able to stay here. And I gotta be honest.....


That breaks my heart. Like, my heart hurts when I think of it. (just being real for a second)


God is still God. And ULTIMATELY, I want what God knows is best for me more than I want whatever plan I think is best. In other words, I want God more than I want to be disobedient or selfish.


If you're reading this and you don't have a relationship with God. You MUST know that He only wants the best for you and I. Real love gives us free-will. I guess that is what I 'would imagine' would be the hardest thing about being a parent...giving them direction - but ultimately letting them choose the way they will. God loves you and I. So much...


There are specific things in my life that I've been holding on to...and maybe its just a matter of continuing to wait for them to happen. But then again...maybe its time to let go. Either way, I've got to trust the God who has always guided me into ONLY the best for my life.


Then there are those times when what God calls us to do requires a big jump. Its more than scary....its the thing that makes you wanna run the other way when you see it. It scares you more than anything. But you know its rightly perfect for your life.



I'm not saying by any means that I have what i've been talking about ALL FIGURED OUT...i'm still learning. And, i'll bet you, i'll be continuing to learn this principle my whole life.



But for now...I have this feeling that what i'm about to step into is going to require a big deep breath...followed by an 'all or nothing' jump.

I remember when I used to go cliff jumping. 20-55ft jumps...big time jumps. And the only way to get your feet off that rock and into mid-air was to take a big deep breath...then jump!

There's a sort of peace in the 'not knowing' of what we're jumping into,

Nat

A Safe Place of my very own...

I'm already laughing at myself because; for some odd reason, I can only put my complete thoughts together in a way that I like at strange times when everyone else is sleeping. Its funny to me...in a real annoying way.

But I've got something on my heart...something that's been real heavy on my heart for the past week or less. And to be honest, I don't even know how to begin to write it out for you to understand how much its been weighing on my heart. I will try...

I love the moments when God speaks to me. It doesn't happen all the time. In fact, there are many seasons when I feel quite alone. Like, 'where have you gone?'

But I KNOW HE IS HERE. He is always with me...its life that tells me otherwise. I'm sure you've felt the same way. It doesn't take a tragedy to happen in your life to feel like God has left you. Just life.

I'm getting to my point...just felt like meddling there for a moment.

I've been reading in the book of Psalms lately as much as I possibly can. I often will drift away from the usual psalms because the Bible has so much more to read. This time - i'm sure that God was leading me there for a reason. You will find when you read in Psalms a number of occasions when David (or whoever may be the author in that psalm) will remind himself of God has his Shelter, Refuge, fortress.

Funny thing is...people don't usually use these words anymore. You don't find someone saying 'Hey, soooo what does your shelter look like?' Or 'Let's go build a fortress so no one will break into your house.' I mean, i'm sure we all said stuff like that when we were kids creating make-shift fortresses or castles with our brother or sisters. I definitely did. It was the world of make believe...and I was safe there.

All these scriptures using these words just kept coming up over and over and over. Then I looked up the word shelter. Not because I didn't know what it meant, but because I know how we can all misuse words that were never intended for the meanings we have created for them over time. Here it is:

Shelter -
1. something beneath, behind, or within which a person, animal, or thing is protected from storms, missiles, adverse conditions, etc.; refuge.
2. the protection or refuge afforded by such a thing: He took shelter in a nearby barn.
3. protection from blame, incrimination, etc.
4. a dwelling place or home considered as a refuge from the elements: Everyone's basic needs are food, clothing, and shelter.
5. a building serving as a temporary refuge or residence for homeless persons, abandoned animals, etc.

As you can see...#3 is my favorite. And then it hit me. You know the moments when you've read something a bajillion times and; yes its good, but you didn't GET it yet.
In many of the psalms, David was running from his adversaries. His enemy. Time after time, he was wrongly accused and thrown into isolation from safety for long periods of time. BUT...He got to know God as his shelter, refuge, and fortress.

I have never had an army chasing after me or kings of kingdoms angry with me. David felt very alone many a day because of this. But he found safety in God. A God who was faithful in always protecting David. You see, God truly is our Shelter. He is is our protection from the blame or incrimination that the enemy brings our way. The lies the enemy whispers and tries to get you to hear all the time...God is our shelter from even this. He's our refuge in the midst of the battle of all battles in your life.

In the moment of your utmost weakness - the point of almost giving up - God is our SAFE PLACE (refuge, shelter, fortress).

Only...this isn't make-believe anymore. This is for real. Life is REAL. It really throws ugly, unfair things our way. But God is JUST as real. And when we learn to run to Him as our shelter...our safe place instead of anything or anyone else - that is when we find REAL peace and solace. The kind that can not be explained.

The more I meditate on the beautiful truth that God is my refuge from the storms of life...the more I realize - I want to create that safe place for someone else. I know I can't fix everyone's problems. I can't change the fact that your parent's are getting a divorce or that your husband/wife just left you, but I can build a house (a refuge) that invites peace. The kind of peace that doesnt' make sense to anyone else.

That's what we are as followers of Christ. We're meant to be a people that are so full of the peace of God (even in the storms of life) that we can offer that same peace to those who are struggling to understand their own lack of it.

There was a family I knew back home in Texas who were this very thing for me. Their house wasn't extravogent in any way. But from the moment you walked into the house, you felt peace. You felt safe, at home. It wasn't my home but it sure felt good to be there. I went through heaps as a teenager and I remember specifically many other young people who would always hang out there for that very reason.

And we are meant to do this without judgement to those who aren't able to experience that peace yet. We lead people with love to the truth ...remember that.

That is exactly how God drew us to himself....with love to truth. It was then that I found a safe place of my very own.

you are loved...

Its all a little 'hazey' at 1am

I'm currently at work. taking a wee break. thinking about lots. future. past. now.

I'm involved with helping young people...incredible girls... almost on a daily basis. Just hang out with them, chat, laugh, hopefully change their perspective on life, hopefully change their life, hopefully keep them out of trouble...even more...hopefully help them to know about the Love of Jesus for them.

Tonight was different to any other night. I'm still sort of in awe of what did happen. Sure, there was the usual stuff I hear every day/week (trouble at home, school, boys, etc)...but tonight, i'm pretty sure I was in 2 places at the same time: my past, and present.

One of the incredible young girls asked to speak with me after we got done chatting all together. So we went to the kitchen away from everyone else. I'd expected her to tell me something completely opposite to what she did. But instead she told me how much she looked up to me. She saw so many qualities in me that she wanted to have one day. She told me that It seemed I was at peace with things like being single..etc...just at peace with life. She then said to me, "I wanna be strong like you...and I want people to look at me and say the things they do about you."

BIG SELAH MOMENT!!!

First. I didn't know what to say...because to be completely honest, I don't see those things about myself...we never usually do :) We tend to look at all the flaws instead of our strengths.

I was nothing short of speechless for a few moments. Not because I hadn't been encouraged before, but because in that moment, I saw myself HER AGE saying the same thing to someone that I'd admired years before...thinking...'am I ever going to have anyone say those things about me one day?'

The reason I say all that is to say this one thing: sometimes its hard to see the progress we are making in life; especially since we are living it here and now. And it may seem like you are making NO progress at all...but later on you will be sitting down (or standing) with someone who will be telling you how you've impacted their life for good. And whether or not you want to believe that you have - you have. And you will.

I guess the slightly scary reality in all of this is that we will all impact a life/lives...but whether its for good or bad...is completely up to us.

When you realize you actually do have influence...its humbling - to say the least. BUT when you realize the 'weight' of that truth...its even more humbling. I want to believe in as many people as humanly possible. I want to enable a young person; through my belief in them, to get to place in their life where they are also influencing others for good. To a place where one day they are sitting down with someone they mentor hearing them say the very things this girl said to me.

THAT is leaving a legacy that carries on long after you have left this earth.

So maybe I rambled...just maybe...but then again, its all a little hazey at 1am.
...Well make that 2am now.

Love



p.s. photo is of thousands of young people who in one night were all impacted by ONE man's story. He believes in every single one of those young people. They knew it. Everyone knew it. And we were changed...for good.

I...really don't know what I'm doing..

So...Hey..

This is OBVIOUSLY my first blog...and to be honest, I have never had a desire to have one previous to...well...10 minutes ago when I realized that I actually do love to write. I just hate writing with pen and paper. So 'journaling' was never my thing. And I have no idea why or where I ever got the idea that it had to be limited to pen and paper.

(SELAH)

Which has brought me to my VERY FIRST BLOG!!! Its a big deal for me...primarily because I have no idea if anyone will read this. Nonetheless...its good for my soul to write.

Let me tell you what you will never find in my blogging...eh...or attempts of...

You'll will never find me bashing anyone. No presidents, political leaders, countries, religions, races..EVER. Cruel words start wars...and frankly, i've seen enough of that. So as much I am all for opinion and expressing freely what I believe - I'm not into bashing people with my words. And if you are friends with me...you will have found out that I hate it. I feel like it accomplishes nothing; there is a way to express what you believe without doing so. What a world it would be if that is how we all acted?

But what I do hope that my blogging accomplishes is to somehow open your heart and mind to love more. To love life, people, and hopefully...one day...Jesus. I'm not aiming at directing this blog towards any one particular kind of people, I hope that everyone that reads my words would ultimately be encouraged after doing so. I hope that they will cause you to think (in a healthy way) about how we could better live our lives FOR OTHERS...not just ourselves.

What if...at the end of our life...we looked back and were GENUINELY satisfied with the work that we had done here on Earth? That as much as we had lived a fun life and spent it with family and friends whilst also enjoying the random indulgences we can get our hands on...that we GAVE freely as well.

Heavy. I know...

When you've seen poverty, pain, sorrow, imprisoned children who have never had the choice on whether or not they wanted to be a prostitute...when you've opened your eyes to REALLY see it...you actually feel convicted to never live the same. You want to change.

Just think back to the moment when someone (anyone) reached out to you... Given you money when you didn't know how you were going to eat...paid for your train fare when you didn't know how you were going to get home from work at 10 o'clock at night...stayed all night with you - through the convulsions caused by your addiction to drugs - so that you could beat it.

Who was it that helped you when everyone else gave up on you?

So i'm at the end of my first blog...and...I guess...that is what this blog is about.

You are LOVED...

Nat

P.s. The photo above is me at an orphanage in Indonesia...some of the most incredible girls ive EVER met.