Always Forever...

Its raining outside...one of my favorite things when i'm inside all snug under a blanket. I can smell the rain right now - Serenity.

I'm sitting here thinking, imagining how my life is gonna look in the next few months and how what's in my heart is gonna happen. And then, I quickly imagined how our creator must feel when I continually doubt what He can do. Doubt that He is big enough, strong enough, creative enough....ENOUGH.

I've found myself almost planning in the back of my mind going back to a place I once called home...a long long time ago. I keep thinking - 'It would be so much easier to just quit trusting and just go.' I keep thinking that every door that doesn't seem to be opening here...means its a door closing here. I keep thinking that the friendships I thought would happen aren't happening because its a door closing. You know...all the things that people have 'felt the need' to tell me at one time.

What is completely insane is that I know deep down it will all work out. But its hard waiting...and looking at what seems like 'wall after wall' of endless IMPOSSIBILITIES. Its funny though; everytime I try ( I mean REALLY try) to look into other options...I just feel God lead me to stop.

I gotta be honest - I don't know what that means. I'm a planner...I like to plan. I LOVE spontaneous...but I think I only love it when its convenient. But all this TRYING to plan ahead is making miss out on what's directly in my life right now. I don't wanna miss out on the good things I have now.

I've probably envied others more lately than I ever have in my whole life. And that is NOT easy to say. Wishing that their easy life was mine...funny how we think everyone else's life is easier than our own. Little do we know the struggles, challenges and the trust they had to learn to walk in.

In saying all of that - mostly nonsense...I do need Him. Always and forever. There will never be a season in my life where I will 'have it all together.' Ha! I may think I do...ohhh but I don't. I will always always always need my Saviour. I need Him to show me how to be more like Him and less like...well me (the 'moody' me). :)

So as the rain falls, the thunder rumbles, the wind violently blows the wee-baby trees outside my bedroom window...i'm listening to a song on repeat. And it couldn't be more perfect for what I need to learn - remember - meditate on right now. I recommend you listen to it if you can. Its called 'Always Forever' by Phil Wickham.


You are the hand
That catches my fall
You are the friend
That answers my call

You are my day
You are my night
You are my love
And all of my life

You are the Love I need
you are the air I breathe
You are my love, my life
always forever
I would lay down my life
just to be by your side
you are my love my life
always forever
always forever

You are the grace that covers my sin
You're everything, the beginning and end
you have my soul
my heart and my mind
You have my love
And all of my life

Hallelujah
Forever