A Heart Constantly Broken.

Whether or not you know Jesus isn't relevant in this moment because I will tell you about Him anyway. 

Jesus; (the Lord and Savior of ALL), when still walking this Earth, traveled. We can read that He traveled from city to city, town to town and ALWAYS with a divine agenda. It's hard to imagine a human ALWAYS knowing the right thing to do at the right time; Jesus did. He imitated what His Father said and did. It was the way He lived and breathed. He lived to please His Father in Heaven. 

If ever I get a little confused on what living like Christ is like, I just pop open every book in the Bible that tells stories about Jesus and I read. Then I reread, and keep doing so until....I'm reminded. 

I kinda love these times...the days that need reminding of what real love is. 

Jesus was moved by everyONE he passed by. Even in between one (unscheduled) event to the next. 

The Bible tells us a lot; but It doesn't always tells us how Jesus was feeling or what He was thinking. But I like to imagine that Jesus lived a life completely foreign to many of us. He knew joy, peace, love, hope and all the good things we strive for, but He also knew what a broken heart felt like. And I believe that He carried both with Him always.

The broken heart was for you and for me. ALL OF US. Before He ever died for us, He was heart-broken for us. 

Many of us can relate to having a broken heart at one point in our lives. Whether it be from a relationship gone wrong or a death of a loved one. However, this isn't the kind of broken heart I am talking about.

That kind of broken heart can leave you debilitated and unable to think clearly. 

I'm talking about the kind of broken heart that makes you want to cry, scream, punch someone in the face (and then take it back cause you'll regret it), and then change the situation on behalf of someone else. I'm talking about those moments when you see such an injustice that you feel helpless for that person, but you still want to do something about it. 

A beautifully broken heart sees the mistreated everywhere they go. They don't have more pity on one particular race, gender, or age because to them - a broken heart doesn't discriminate. 

There are a handful of things VERY close to my heart that have left my heart in a constant state of "brokenness" and I've been so moved to do something about these things. And I have. But I don't think this requires any applause at all. For many reasons really. But one reason being that there are many people out there doing great things and working hard to prevent injustices from recreating themselves again. 

Growth means movement. Growth continues on and doesn't rest when It thinks It has done well. I'm not saying to go out looking for a broken heart; that would be foolish in more than a hundred ways. Growth looks for opportunity to grow. That is the one thing it does seek out. 

Maybe...let's replace the word growth with your name or mine and I think my analogy may make more sense. 

As I'm sitting in a comfy church chair yesterday listening to a very 'eye-opening' message from the book of Colossians about the church, I began to realize all over again that my heart hasn't been broken for something NEW in awhile. And not even a few hours later, I had an encounter with a good friend of mine that completely changed that very thing within seconds of hearing what his lost broken heart was saying. 

I won't go into the story, but He doesn't know Jesus yet. And at the end of our conversation, I could swear I felt my heart break and It hurt. The right kind of broken heart comes with pain for that person you are broken for, but then; sometimes, just as quickly - comes this "I've got to be better than I am" for this person. As in, you've got to see both sides of their situation: the sadness and despair, and then the Joy and peace on the other side. We've got to see the Hope in Jesus too. We have to...without that, what are we here for if not to bring the hope of Jesus?

Whether or not you know Jesus, I pray that your eyes would be opened to the brokenness around you always. I pray that you would know that you have something to offer the people around you. We are all on a journey, and none is completely void of trials - but let's remember to lift people up when they are down. Let's remember to think about more than just ourselves. 

Reaching out to others has been the remedy for many who have battled with depression - allowing yourself to be moved by someone else's tragedy changes your own life. 

No matter how impossible it seems now, I still believe we can change the world just by reaching out to those less fortunate around us. I believe in a city with no racial walls, no judgement based on social status; that when the going get's tough for someone, the one that is first there to help is the least likely - the one who has never encountered what they have and yet their heart is broken and moved for them. A place where love means more than your busy schedule. 

I don't care how naive I sound - I believe in a place like this. 

Jesus loved you before He died for you. He loved you after he died for you and rose again. He loved you before you were born. He loved you when you made that really bad decision and decided to keep doing it. And even more, He still loves you....

Natalie

"On top of the world" all the time..

I got to thinking the other day when I was still jobless, penniless, and single (the least of my worries actually...but I just thought I'd add it in there for sympathy purposes)...about how blessed I am. Right now. And I can honestly say that I am probably more blessed than I've ever been; even without all of those things.

You know what's crazy though..?? How no matter how much we have/don't have/want/rich/poor/single/married...we find ourselves wishing and longing for a different life. We find something on the inside of us that wonders what the other side would feel like. Is it just me?...am I alone on this?

I think not.

And maybe it's only temporary insanity that pleads from the inside out for something different; and I'm not entirely sure that this is a negative thing. Were we not created for something more than this life we live in now?!

The reason why I believe I am more blessed than ever is because I have more experience. I have learned more, succeeded more, failed more, loved more, been broken-hearted more, dreamed more, been 'too scared to do anything' more than ever, cried and laughed more, taught myself to not get offended more, wrote more, sang more songs, watched the hand of God so wonderfully take care of me more, seen more, tasted more, hugged more, and the list goes on. I have lived more in the last few years than I ever have. And no matter what each of these things felt like in the moment, I wouldn't take back the lessons learnt from either of them.

You see; we could look at our lives from the view point of a 'consistent want' or 'fake need' of something or someone for as long as we want, and we will never feel alleviated from that temporary 'pot-hole' that leaves that aching feeling in our stomach.

I decided last week when I was still in need, still in want of something I didn't have - that I would remain (in my heart) on 'top of the world' all of the time. I saw a post on Facebook the other day that said: I'm a romantic literalist. As in: "The glass is neither half full or half empty-- it's just half a glass of water... OOH! But look at how the light shines through it!"


I LOVED this point of view! It's not about trying to create a false positive by pretending that what is going on in your life isn't real - that it doesn't hurt, or doesn't seem impossible. It's about seeing reality but making the most of it.

FOR EXAMPLE!!!! :)

When I didn't have a job, I realized that in between the job searching and sulking over my lack of, I could either do that; just sulk all day, or I could look at it from the perspective that I may never have this time again. I may never have this time to write, ponder, dream, be inspired, get a habit of being fit again, watch and enjoy every moment of my niece growing up...I may never have these moments again. And secretly, I think these times are a little piece of heaven in disguise.

I hear so many young girls (teenage/early 20s) yearning for marriage. I remember being one of those girls. And although I believe in marriage and how great it will be whole-heartily, I also believe that these years leading up to the life-long commitment of marriage and family are extremely vital. The older I get, the more I understand why the timing is essential. The longing and desire isn't wrong and there is nothing that says what the appropriate age is for marriage - please understand my point.

I have friends who got married young (18) and who are still married and now have children. They are happy - most definitely - but the moments where I have expressed how I think it'd be great to be 'in their shoes'...EVERY single one if them has said the same thing..."But Nat, you have gotten to experience so much.   You have gotten to do things I will never get the experience to do."

And there is no competition. Each life is MEANT to be different than the other. Each life has it's own journey to walk and tread through.

So no matter what we are faced with - triumph, tragedy, success, failure, joy, or sadness...let's make the effort to see the blessing(s) in our life. Re-adjust and re-align 'your' reality to HIS reality.

I often wonder what God sees in comparison to me. In fact, I often ask Him that question. And I get all kinds of answers. But the most common of all is that He never sees impossibility. Ever.

A decision to be 'On top of the world' all the time isn't a self-motivated lie that we need to begin to practice...but rather it's a daily decision to look at life from a different perspective.

No more comparing, no more sulking...you must know that you are alive for a purpose greater than  your own. That's reason enough to keep your head held high. And on the other days when that might not work, go take a drive to somewhere that seems bigger than you: the ocean, lake, mountains, hills, desert...that always works for me. :)

This is for someone-hopefully...

You are loved xx

I'm Still Adjusting to this...

What do you say when you're still adjusting to the way things are? And by adjusting, I mean that you know where you are meant to be...but your heart is still adjusting to the idea of it. You heart still wants to be somewhere else.

And the adjustment you're trying to adjust to is; for a lack of a better way to describe it, a RUDE adjustment. Abrupt, fuzzy, and unclear.........................for now.

When people constantly ask when you're coming back; and if you were honest, you can't answer because It hurts (in a way) to talk about it. It seems more final when you say it out loud. It feels like you're letting go of your dream and you're throwing it away.

BUT. DEEP, DEEP DOWN...YOU KNOW ALL OF THAT ISN'T TRUE.

It's an emotion that can be quickly countered by a truth. A promise, God has given you. Another vision, dream, idea....because when one door closes, another one will open. It's bittersweet.

You gotta be above the constant asking of 'why'...and 'did I go wrong somewhere? You gotta be about the 'Now' instead.

I woke up this morning with heaviness of heart and spirit, and I knew immediately I needed to talk to Jesus. It was one of 'those' mornings. And that's OK. It happens...

Today, I'm still adjusting to the reality of being here and not there...

But when I go to HIM...He hears, and cares, and He restores hope. And  then, He sets me back on the path of good perspective. And sometimes, there are still tears...deep tears. I know It's because I've still not let go. I'm learning....

But none of this changes who God is. He is still good.

And even more, He is so faithful to walk through these journeys we have to go on to realize His 'best for us' really is the best. He's patient, and kind. Sometimes; like a father, He shows me where I'm being childish and silly. And strange as it seems, I like those moments best.

So today, I'm still adjusting to the reality of being here and not there...

But the beautiful part about all this is that God is HERE with me NOW.

I've got nothing to fear....!!!!

You are loved. xx